I DONT WANT TO BE ALONE TONIGHT

TODAY I WOKE UP
I MADE COFFEE
I DIDNT EAT ALL DAY
I READ BOOKS ALL DAY
NO ONE CAME HOME
MY FRIEND CAME OVER FOR
DINNER
AFTER DINNER
HE WAS COLLECTING HIS THINGS
I IMAGINED
THROWING MYSELF AT HIS FEET
AND BEGGING HIM NOT TO LEAVE
BUT I DIDNT AND HE LEFT
IVE BEEN ALONE ALL NIGHT
NO ONE WILL COME HOME
I MASTURBATED SIX TIMES TODAY
TO PASS TIME
I DONT WANT TO BE ALONE
I CANT THINK OF ANYONE TO CALL
WHO WOULD WANT TO
SEE ME
RIGHT NOW

MY HAND IS A HOSPITAL

I MADE A REPLICA OF YOUR HEART OUT OF PLAY DOH AND NOW I AM GOING TO EAT IT.
I AM A SOCIOPATH.

DUDE WAIT NOW DUDE HANG ON ONE SECOND

ACID MAKES EVERYONE'S BODIES LOOK VERY WEIRD

WE DONT NEED ANYTHING

ITS HARD FOR ME
TO TAKE MY
MISERY SERIOUSLY
YESTERDAY
AN INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN PAINTED
MY TOENAILS
AND TONIGHT
SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER
CHILDHOOD
WHILE LYING ON HER BED
AND I SAW
HER FACE MOVE
AND CHANGE
BECAUSE
SHE LOVES ME
AND FEELS NO REMORSE
ABOUT TELLING ME
THE WORST
AND THE CATS
ARE PLAYING
I THINK I HAVE
RENT FIGURED OUT
YEAH,
LAST WEEK WAS NOT
SO BAD
AT ALL
EVERYTHING FEELS
SO VERY SOFT
POUR ME ANOTHER GLASS NICOLE
WE DONT NEED ANYTHING

DO YOU?

I GOT STOOD UP TONIGHT
THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME
IN THE LAST THREE WEEKS
THIS IS NOT A GOOD AVERAGE
ALTHOUGH THREE OF
THE FOUR TIMES
WAS THE SAME ASSHOLE
EVEN SO
FOUR NIGHTS
I PUT ON A PRETTY SKIRT
OR DRESS
THEN BLUSH
AND EYESHADOW
AFTER THAT I BRAIDED MY HAIR
AND PUT ON MY CUTE LITTLE
BLACK MARY JANE SHOES
AND WAITED ON THE COUCH
ALL NIGHT
WHILE MY ROOMMATE KEPT POURING ME WINE
SAYING THINGS LIKE
"YOU'RE BETTER OFF, YOU DONT WANT TO
DATE SOMEONE WHO CANT SCHEDULE THEIR
OWN LIFE AT THE AGE OF 26, DO YOU?"
AND I THOUGHT
NO I DONT
I JUST WANT
ONE LITTLE THING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON
A PROPER DATE
I DONT THINK I EVER WILL
I DONT THINK I WOULD
LIKE THAT ANYWAYS

DISINGENUOUS FUCKWAND

I KEEP LISTENING TO
'THORN' BY MY BLOODY VALENTINE
I KEEP GOING TO MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE
AND LOOKING AT MY PROFILE
JUST SO I CAN HEAR 'THORN'
BY MY BLOODY VALENTINE
IT IS A KIND OF INTRIGUING
HALF-ARSED NARCISSISM:
WHILE I AM THERE
I SOMETIMES READ
SOME OF THE BLURBS
AND THINK:
'I WOULD READ THAT NOVEL, MAYBE'
OR SOMETIMES:
'THAT NOVEL SOUNDS LIKE IT'S
'TRYING TOO HARD', WHAT'S ITS PROBLEM?'
I DON'T KNOW
I WANT TO KISS YOU
I REALLY WANT TO KISS YOU
I WANT TO MAKE YOU REALISE
THAT I AM SOMETIMES 'SERIOUS'
ABOUT THINGS
THAT I AM NOT JUST 100% 'SILLY'
I THINK IF I KISSED YOU
I WOULD BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE THAT
MAYBE
PROBABLY NOT
I DON'T KNOW
SORRY

TONIGHT

I GOT OFF WORK AT 6:30
I GOT HOME AND THERE WAS A TAO LIN SHIRT, BRITNEY SPEARS
STICKERS, AND A POETRY BOOK
WAITING FOR ME.
I PUT ON THE TAO LIN SHIRT AND
BOB DYLAN KNOCKOFF SUNGLASSES
AND PLAYED TEXAS HOLDEM POKER.
I LOST.
I WALKED AWAY FRUSTRATED INTO A ROOM
WITH A 30 INCH APPLE MONITOR AND
WATCHED THE LAKER GAME ONLINE IN HD.
THE CONNECTION WAS LOST.
I SHAVED MY BEARD AND WASHED MY FACE.
THEN TWO OF MY FRIENDS AND I LEFT
TO A BAR TO WATCH THE END OF THE GAME.
THE LAKERS WON.
I HELD UP MY HANDS, YELLED, AND WALKED
OUT OF THE BAR.
WE WALKED TO SAFEWAY FOR ALCOHOL.
IT WAS TOO CROWDED SO WE
WENT TO A LIQUOR STORE.
I BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF WINE AND
IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TO DRINK IT.
WE WENT TO MY FRIENDS EX
GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE TO 'HANG OUT'
BEFORE WE 'WENT OUT'.
THE GIRL I SLEPT WITH 3 NIGHTS AGO
WAS GOING TO BE THERE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HER BUT I WENT
ANYWAYS.
THE BAR WAS FAR.
WE WALKED A LONG WAYS.
WHEN WE GOT THERE WE WERE INSIDE
A BAR.
I SAT/STOOD AROUND A WHILE AND
TOOK IN THE SCENERY.
IT WAS NICE.
GOLDEN LIGHTS, A GOLDEN CEILING
NAKED PORTRAITS OF WOMEN.
DECORATIVE WALLPAPER.
I DIDN'T TALK TO ANYONE MUCH.
I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TWICE.
ONCE IN THE BOYS.
ONCE IN THE GIRLS.
THEN I HAD A CIGGARETTE AND
DECIDED TO LEAVE THE 12
OR MORE PEOPLE I WAS WITH.
I LEFT AND WANDERED UP THE STREET.
I HEARD MUSIC AND WALKED INTO A BAR.
THERE WAS LIVE MUSIC.
I GOT MY ID CHECKED AND STOOD AROUND
LISTENING TO THE MUSIC FOR A WHILE.
I THOUGHT ABOUT MUSIC SCENE IM
TRYING TO GET INVOLVED IN.
MY BASEMENT
THINGS.
I LEFT THE BAR AND WALKED UP TO MISSION.
I WALKED PAST A BAR I KNEW A GIRL
WOULD BE AT BUT I DIDN'T SEE HER.
INSTEAD I SAW TWO GIRLS FROM HIGHSCHOOL.
WE DID OUR SCHOOLS CHANT, SIGHED, THEN
WITHOUT SPEAKING WALKED AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
ONE OF THE GIRLS MURMURED, "COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY"
I WALKED AWAY SMOKING A CIGARETTE TO MY BUSSTOP.
I WAITED TWO MINUTES.
I GOT ON.
5 STOPS LATER A GIRL I KNEW GOT ON WITH HER FRIEND.
SHE USED TO DATE MY FRIEND TONY.
WHILE WE WERE CATCHING UP DRUNK A GUY
I PLAY BASKETBALL WITH ON TUESDAYS
RANDOMLY GOT ON WITH HIS GROUP OF FRIENDS
AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED TALKING
SHIT ABOUT HOW I PLAY BASKETBALL EVEN THOUGH
I'M 'BETTER' THAN HIM.
SO I TALKED BACK.
HE SHUT UP AND I TALKED TO STACEY AND HER
FRIEND MORE.
SHE ASKED ME ABOUT MY SHIRT.
MY STOP ARRIVED.
I SAID BYE AND GOT OFF.
NOW I AM IN MY ROOM AND
THIS IS THE LONGEST FUCKING
ENTRY I'VE EVER WRITTEN ON
THIS STUPID BLOG.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE

ON YOUR MYSPACE PROFILE
THE 'ABOUT ME' SECTION
ONLY SAID
A SERIES OF NUMBERS
AND THE 'WHO I'D LIKE TO MEET' SECTION
SAID MY NAME
I'M SORRY
IT TOOK ME SO LONG
TO REALIZE
THE SERIES OF NUMBERS
WAS TEN NUMBERS LONG
YOUR VOICE IS RATHER SOFT
YOU ARE OLDER THAN ME
BUT YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS
I TOLD YOU
I'M DESENSITIZED
TO TALKING TO PEOPLE
FROM THE INTERNET
YOU GIGGLED A LOT
SOMETIMES
YOU JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE
WHAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU
IS THAT
I'M A BIT DRUNK
BUT I THINK I WOULD
STILL LIKE TO TALK TO YOU
AGAIN ANYWAYS

I AM NOT EVEN GOOD AT GMAIL CHAT

I 'FUCKED UP' AT GMAIL CHAT TODAY
TWICE
I POSTED A NAKED PICTURE OF
MYSELF
TO MYSELF
I ENTERED THE
'WORLD'S MOST PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN' CONTEST
YOU HAD TO STAND IN A LINE
AND WRITE A BITTER POEM
TO YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND
AND THEN SAY SOMETHING
'CUTTING' TO A LARGE FOOTBALL MAN
(BUT IN AN 'UNDERHAND' WAY
SO HE WOULDN'T 'TWIG' AND BEAT YOU UP)
THEN I WALKED AROUND
ON AN ICERINK
AND TRIPPED OVER A SWAN

FREEPICKUP

I SLAMMED MY HAND INTO THE
COPY MACHINE AND PRINTED 500 COPIES
OF DRIPPING PUTRID VEINS.
I WATCHED THE COPIES FLY AROUND
THE ROOM AND I LAUGHED AS
I PUT THEM UP ON THE WALLS.
THE DOORS WERE LOCKED AND
THE LIGHTS WERE OFF.
I WAS CLOCKED OUT
AND SPIRAL BOUND TO
MY OWN VICES IN MY
TINY FUCKING SKULL.
FILLED WITH TOO INFORMATION
AND NOT ENOUGH FOCUS.
I AM TRAPPED IN AN EVER
REPEATING SCAN OF A DISNEY
CHARACTER COME TO LIFE.

YOU WILL NEVER READ THIS, YOU DONT READ BOOKS YOU STUPID IDIOT I COULD HAVE BEEN SWEET TO YOU

I HAVE A SLIGHT HEADACHE AT ALL TIMES
I AM ALONE IN MY APARTMENT
DOING WHAT I ALWAYS DO WHEN
IM ALONE IN MY APARTMENT
LISTENING TO IRISH FUNERAL MUSIC
AND READING JEAN RHYS THAT I HAVE
ALREADY READ
AND DRINKING WHITE WINE
WHILE THE CATS SLEEP ON EITHER SIDE
OF ME
BEING ALONE IS THE BEST FOR ME I KNOW
AND FOR YOU
IT IS THE BEST FOR YOU THAT I'M ALONE
RIGHT NOW
BUT BABY
I WANT YOUR FRAIL FRAME IN MY BED
SO BAD
I WANT YOUR SHARP TEETH
SO BAD
IM NOT AFRAID TO SAY YOUR NAME
JAKUB
YOU STOPPED CALLING ME
I DELETED YOUR PHONE NUMBER
NOT OUT OF MALICE
BUT TO KEEP MYSELF
FROM BOTHERING YOU WHEN I DRINK
TOO MUCH
AND LOOSE CONTROL

I WAS ON THE TRAIN YESTERDAY MORNING
I CAME FROM A MAN'S HOUSE
HE WAS CRUEL
I STOOD AT THE FRONT OF THE TRAIN
THE SPEED WAS WEARING OFF
I COULDN'T STOP TOUCHING
THE BRUISES ON MY BACK
I THOUGHT ABOUT
GETTING OFF AT THE LORIMER STOP
AND SITTING ON YOUR DOOR STEP
UNTIL YOU EMERGED
SO I COULD FEEL
PROTECTED
I HAD THE SENSE NOT TO BOTHER YOU
SO I ROAD HOME
WATCHING THE TRACKS BENEATH ME
POKING AT
THE SCAB ON MY HEAD
WHERE HE PULLED A HANDFUL OF HAIR OUT
I SHOULD HAVE
TAKEN THE HAIR WITH ME
AND MAILED IT TO YOU

SELFISH PEOPLE DESTROYING COPIES OF DAYDREAM NATION WITH MACHETES

SELFISH PEOPLE DESTROYING COPIES OF DAYDREAM NATION WITH MACHETES
AND FRENCH CANADIANS COPYING ZINES ABOUT SHAG CARPET AND NERUDA.
THEY COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD BECOME A "MERCHANT MARINE"
WITH MIKE YOUNG AND DANIEL BAILEY. GREGORY CORSO LOOKS LIKE AN
ANGRY OLD WOMAN WITH NO TEETH. THIS IS GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING
FOR US ALL, THIS MOVIE. THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE ZEROES. ADD MORE
ZEROES TO THIS MOVIE. I AM IN A TRANCE THREE FEET AWAY FROM THE
DISCIPLES OF WES ANDERSON. I AM AS BIG AS A THREE FOOT WIDE MAN.
SHE USED TO BE A MODEL AND I HAVE PEASANT HANDS. CAN I SEE YOUR
MONEY CLIP? HEAVY DRINKING AND TOO MUCH SUN. YOU LOOK LIKE ALLIGATORS.
YOU LOOK LIKE A GREEK GIRL, LET ME ARREST YOU. YOU ARE ROMANTICALLY
INVOLVED WITH THIS FUNERAL PARLOR. YOU ARE SEVERAL FRENCH CANADIANS
AWAY FROM A YEAR! I ATE YOUR LORCA PANTOMIME. YOUR YOUTH IS ALL
YOU THINK ABOUT ANYMORE. CAN I PLEASE TRY THIS MAGIC TRICK ON YOU.

A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BE ALONE

WHEN I GOT OFF THE TRAIN TONIGHT
I WANTED TO BE
BACK IN THE MIDWEST
THERE WAS NO REAL PROMPT
FOR IT
MY BRIAN WAS SUDDENLY
FLOODED WITH IDEAS
OF LAYING IN FEILDS
AT NIGHT ALONE
AND BEING ABLE TO SEE VERY FAR
A PLACE WITH NO HILLS
I WANTED TO BE
IN A PLACE
WHERE YOU COULD BE
ALONE AT NIGHT
AND HEAR THE INSECTS
SWARMING ABOVE YOU
AROUND YOU
A PLACE
WHERE YOU CAN SEE
THE WHOLE MILY WAY
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
IN NEW YORK
THE SMELL
IS AWFUL HERE
AND SO IS
THE CROWDING
I WANTED TO BE ALONE
LIKE YOU ONLY KNOW
WHEN YOU ARE FROM THE MIDWEST
WHERE IT IS POSSIBLE
TO DRIVE TWENTY MINUTES AWAY
AND BE THE ONLY HUMAN BEING
FOR MILES AND MILES
I WANT TO SPOON
THE CORN STALKS
TO SLEEP TONIGHT

BRYAN COFFELT IS NOT A RACIST

WE HAD A CINCO DE MAYO PARTY OMG WE TOTALLY
PLAYED APPLES TO APPLES. SOMEONE PUT DOWN
WHEAT FOR REVOLUTIONARY AND THEY WON MY
SQUAW. WHAT A RACIST TERM. I LEARNED
CHORDS FROM THE CHORD POSTER IN MY
TARANTULA HIDEOUT. HELP ME FINISH THIS
SONG, PLEASE. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE SO FAR:
"RACING THE LOG TRUCKS BACK FROM EUGENE,
THE MUTUAL TRICK WAS JUST DON'T FALL ASLEEP.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID BUT I REMEMBER
WE CONFESSED, FELL IN YOUR BED AT 4AM. I
DRESS LIKE A BOXCAR AND KISS WITH MY TEETH.
ASIDE FROM THE NIGHT I DON'T TRUST ANYTHING.
NOT A PRETTY LITTLE THING. CHORUS: LET IT NOT
BE SAID 'OH I LOVED YOU THE BEST' OH WE LOVED
WHO WE LOVED WHEN WE DID. LET IT NOT BE SAID
'OH I LOVED YOU THE BEST.' OH I LOVED WHO I
LOVED WHEN I DID." NOW HELP ME FINISH IT PLZ.

DANIEL BAILEY YOU ARE HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY

HM
YOU SHOULD LIVE DOWN THE BLOCK
THE OTHER DIRECTION
ON BUSHWICK AVE
THE OPPOSITE WAY AND
EQUIDISTANT FROM ZACH GERMAN
AND THINGS MIGHT
BE OKAY THEN
YOU CAN BOTH COME OVER
AND
HELP ME
FROM THE PLACE ON THE FLOOR
IVE CHOSEN TO SLEEP ON
OVER TO MY BED
AND RIGHT BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP
I WILL THINK
MY FRIENDS CARE ABOUT ME

WINE FOR BREAKFAST TOO DRUNK TO MASTURBATE

MY ROOMMATE IS GOING TO
BUY A PIZZA
I WOKE UP AT 2:30PM
AND DRANK ONE CUP OF COFFEE
THEN MOVED
TO 8 OR 9 GLASSES OF WINE
I HAVE NOT EATEN FOOD
I DONT WANT TO EAT FOOD
YOU CANT MAKE ME
EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS
I LIKE EXTRA GARLIC
WAIT
MAYBE SHE WILL ORDER EXTRA GARLIC
OKAY PIZZA IS GOOD
MAYBE I WILL EAT PIZZA
BUT I HAVE THIS PLAN
TODAY I WILL DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH
SHE IS INTERFERING
WITH DELICIOUS TEMPTATIONS
FUCKING BITCH

STOP OFFERING YOUR DRINKS I HAVE MY OWN

IVE BEEN LISTENING TO DAVID BOWIE
ON REPEAT ALL DAY
MY NEIGHBOR HAS BEEN ASKING
ME TO SLEEP WITH HIM ALL DAY
HE IS A PIECE OF SHIT
WHEN I GO ON THE BALCONY TO SMOKE
AND HE IS THERE AS WELL
I WANT TO LEAP OFF
AND FINISH IT
ESPECIALLY WHEN
HE FEEDS ME BULLSHIT
ABOUT HIS DREAMS
ABOUT HIS PRETTY NEIGHBOR
ITS A GOOD THING THERE ARE
METAL BARS SEPARATING OUR
BALCONIES
CAUSE I MIGHT FUCKING
STAB HIS BITCH ASS
CAN YOU TELL IM IN A BAD MOOD?
YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT
ACTUALLY HE IS KIND OF GOOD LOOKING

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN? BRIDGETT? OH THATS A NICE NAME

BEING WASTED BY 5PM IS
A GOOD SIGN
THAT YOUR LIFE
IS FUCKED

MINIATURE GIRAFFE

A MINIATURE GIRAFFE
ISN'T SEXY
EVEN IF YOU STRAPPED A MINIATURE BRA
TO THE MINIATURE GIRAFFE
IT WOULDN'T BE SEXY
EVEN IF IT CLIMBED OUT OF A
NORMAL-SIZED BIRTHDAY CAKE
AND SANG
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISTER PRESIDENT' TO YOU
IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE SEXY
TO HAVE SEX WITH THE MINIATURE GIRAFFE
(AS A MAN)
YOU WOULD NEED TO EITHER PUT IT IN YOUR 'ASS'
OR STRAP ITS FEET TOGETHER WITH AN ELASTIC BAND
AND TRY TO 'DO IT' THROUGH THE LEGS
(KENDRA GRANT MALONE IS SMART AND GOOD AT THINGS)

P.S.

KENDRA GRANT MALONE IS 'SMART' AND 'GOOD AT THINGS'
CHRIS KILLEN IS AN 'ASSHOLE' 'BRIT' WITH 'BITTER TEARS'
SEE YOU TOMORROW
BITCH FACE

DEAR CHRIS KILLEN,

I WIN
I GOT HERE FIRST
IM SORRY
I DEMANDED SO MANY
CUTE BRITISH PHRASES
FROM YOU
AND WORE YOUR GLASSES
WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
YOU ARE SO ADORABLY BRITISH!
IT'S TRUE!
ESPECIALLY WHEN
YOU TOLD ME
THE STORY
ABOUT HAVING SEX
WITH A MINIATURE GIRAFFE
I THINK YOU HAVE A FETISH
FOR MINIATURE THINGS
I GOT HOME SO MUCH FASTER
THAN YOU
WAIT-
WHY IS IT
YOU DIDN'T COME HOME WITH ME?
TO BROOKLYN?
YOU ADORABLE BRIT, YOU
GIRAFFE
I TOLD YOU I WOULD WRITE ABOUT A GIRAFFE
BUT I JUST WROTE ABOUT
YOU INSTEAD

START DRINKING EARLY AND DONT STOP

I'M A FUCKING IDIOT
A FUCKING IDIOT
YES, AND IDIOT

COULD YOU PLEASE
STOP SWEET TALKING ME?
YOU DONT NEED TO
YOU CAN FUCK ME ANYWAYS

I TURNED DOWN
THREE DATES THIS WEEK
NO, THAT DOESN'T MAKE
ME FEEL ANY BETTER

I FEEL LIKE A SAPPY IDIOT
IT'S JUST NOT IN ME TO BE
MAD AT PEOPLE
NO, I DON'T LIKE BEING MAD

INSTEAD OF GETTING MAD
AT PEOPLE
WHEN I RATIONALLY SHOULD
I BECOME MASOCHISTIC
OR ELSE
I BUY MYSELF NEON COLORED
FELT FLOWERS