Monday, February 18, 2008

WHEN THE SHIT SINKS SHIAT STINKS

I SNEEZED ON SOMEONE ON THE BUS THE OTHER DAY.
THEY HAD GOTTEN ON WITHOUT A PASS AND WERE HOLDING A BOTTLE WITH A PAPER BAG AROUND IT.
I ASKED WHAT WAS IN IT.
THEY DIDN'T RESPOND.
SO WHEN THE SUN CAME INTO VIEW I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
THE SMALL PARTICLES OF PHLEM FLEW INTO THE AIR CREATING A NUCLEAR CLOUD IN FRONT OF MY FACE.
THEN SOMEONE ASKED ME WHAT TIME IT WAS.
I LOOKED ON THE MACHINE IN MY POCKET AND SAID TIME TO GET A WATCH.
THEY ROLLED THEIR EYES AND PULLED THE CORD TO STOP.
A QUARTER DROPPED FROM THEIR POCKET WHEN THEY LEFT AND A HOMELESS MAN WITH RIPPED SLIPPERS PICKED IT UP AND STARTED CHEWING ON IT.
HE WINKED AT ME AND SAT ON A FAT LADYS LAP.
I FELT LIKE A DRINK SO I GRABBED THE DRINK OF THE PERSON NEXT TO ME AND TOOK A HIT.
THE SHIT TASTED LIKE WARM SPARKLES WRAPPED IN SOUR WARHEADS.
NEXT THING I KNEW I FELT A SLAP IN MY FACE AND THE HARD ASSFAULT AGAINST THE PALM OF MY HANDS.
I KNEW I WAS IN FOR IT.
I GLANCED OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE AND SAW THE BUS ROLL AWAY.
I WAS AT MY DESTINATION.