I CANT SEEM TO FALL ASLEEP WITHOUT CRYING INTO MY PILLOW FIRST- ITS REALLY NOT AS DRAMATIC AS IT SOUNDS, ITS JUST A HABBIT IVE FORMED

TODAY HE SAID TO ME
YOU SEEM HAPPIER IN PERSON
AND I WAS TOUGH
AND DID NOT CRY WHEN
HE SAID THAT
THOUGH
I MIGHT HAVE

HE SAID TO ME
YOU SEEM HAPPIER IN PERSON
AND WE WERE IN A COFFEE SHOP
IN A YUPPIE PART OF TOWN
THAT I DONT LIKE

WHEN HE SAID THAT
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
MY RETARDED BROTHER
AND HOW
HE RECENTLY HAD
A PSYCHOTIC BREAK
AND THERE WAS NOTHING
I COULD DO
AND I WANTED TO STAB
MYSELF WITH THE FORK ON
THE TABLE

BUT I HAD THE SENSE
TO REALIZE
THAT THAT WOULD BE BAD
AND MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE
SO I SMILED
AND SAID "YEAH"
AND CHANGED THE CONVERSATION
TO SOMETHING LIGHTER

I WAS STILL THINKING ABOUT
MY BROTHER
HE WONT LIVE LONG
HIS DOCTOR ONCE TOLD ME
EVERY TIME HE IS
HOSPITALIZED
I FIGURE IT IS THE LAST TIME

YOU SEEM HAPPIER IN PERSON
HE SAID
AND IT RANG AND RANG
FUCK IT
I SUPPOSE IM HAPPY ENOUGH
CONSIDERING THE INEVITABLE

I SAT THERE ACROSS THE TABLE
AND WONDERED
IF HE THOUGHT I SEEMED HAPPIER
IN PERSON
WHEN I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP
RIGHT NEXT TO HIM
IN MY BED
LIKE I HAVE FORMED A HABBIT
OF THIS YEAR
AND I REALIZED
HE PROBABLY DIDNT HEAR ME
I MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN ALONE
SORT OF