DIDN'T CARE

SUNDAY SELECTIONS ON
THE GRAY GRAVEL IN
FRONT OF MY PORCH.
TWO MEN WITH LONG
BEARDS GET IN THEIR
SMALL CAR IN FRONT OF
THE CHURCH AND TAKE A SIP
OF SOMETHING OUT OF A BOTTLE.
THEY SMILE, STROKE THEIR BEARDS
AND KICK THEIR CAR INTO 2ND GEAR.
AS THEY PULL OUT OF THEIR PARKING
LOT A COUPLE WITH A BOOM BOX
SKIP ALONG TO A RHYTHMS WHICH
CONSIST OF WORDS LIKE "WHORE"
AND
"SLUT".
I NOD MY HEAD TO THE MUSIC
AND TAKE A SIP OF MY BRANDY
OUT OF MY FLASK
AND LOOK UP TO THE SKY
WITH DIRTY CLOUDS.
FIRES HAVE BEEN
GOING ON SINCE
LAST WEEK AND WHEN
I TOOK THE SUBWAY TO THE
BASEBALL GAME YESTERDAY
I SAW THE FUTURE
IN A HORRID SCENE OF METAL
MACHINES AND A HAZY SKY
FILLED WITH BLURRY DREAMS
AND A HOPE FOR SOMETHING BETTER
THAT WON'T COME IN THIS
LIFETIME.

TOTALLY METAPHORIC POEM

THE OLD LADY WHO LIVES ABOVE ME IS LIKE KING HIPPO FROM NINTENDO'S SUPER-PUNCHOUT BECAUSE IF I PUNCH HER IN THE STOMACH A BUNCH OF TIMES, SHE FALLS DOWN AND DOESN'T GET UP.

METAL SONG

AIR CONDITIONING MADE OUT OF PIE
ONE3 MILLION DWARVES WILL FUCKING DIE
SANDWICHES TO QUELL THE FUKKING MASSES
WHO WANTS SOME DILDO FUCKING PASSES
BASSES ARE THE STUPIDEST FISH EVER
THEY SEINK AT THE SOUND OF WHATEVER

THIS SONG IS OVER

FUCK IT

IT IS NOT VERY METAL

SUCK MY DICK

FUCK YOU

AND ALSO

MY DICK IS FOR SUCKING

you feel worse than before

i want to eat chuck berry's heart
everything on tv makes me feel better
what a beautiful world
i said that with my voice as a ukulele
on the real world i learned about myself
and i told myself that i needed to improve
my friends all want me to be something different
what a beautiful world
what?
i feel like i'm in high school
i want to put tori amos into my pocket
and throw her against a wall

dear universe,

i laugh when people on reality shows have relatives that die

sincerely,
the universe

i laughed
aha
tori amos likes puppies
morgan freeman's voice is money
i am rich and worthless
aha
but chuck berry is in my heart

i forgot to press caps lock

fuck

i feel more brilliant than a frog blossoming
out of a water flower and into a pond
safe and distant and safe and safe and safe
and distant

I CAN ONLY THINK OF THE BEAT FROM LCD SOUNDSYSTEM'S ALL MY FRIENDS

I JUST THOUGHT OF A THING THAT LINKED US ALL TO THE GREATS. OH WELL.
TODAY, AT GOODWILL, MY GIRLFRIEND BOUGHT 20 PETRI DISHES. THEY SAY SINGLE USE ONLY. I AM DRINKING WINE OUT OF A WINE GLASS SHAPED CUP MADE OUT OF
PLASTIC AND IT IS HOT LIKE THE NUMBER 3 IS HOT. I WISH SOMEONE (MAYBE YOU)
COULD LEAD ME. HERE IS THE HORIZON, I MEAN, AFTER THIS LINE BREAK.

ARE YOU SICK? I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A SLEEPING DISEASE GOING AROUND.
CAN WE GET TESTED FOR IT TOGETHER? DEAR DOC: I THINK SHE AND I HAVE BOTH
BEEN TOO INFATUATED WITH SLEEP. IS IT BECAUSE WE LOVE DREAMS MORE THAN
OUR LIVES? OF COURSE, YES, WE DO. I WOULDN'T KEEP YOU ALL HANGING ON.
I'M ONLY TRYING TO CONVEY A SENSE OF SMALL URGENCY. I WILL LEAVE THIS

DEVOID OF GHOSTS AND SANDS. I WILL PRETEND I AM AN ANT IN THIS DIRTY
SHAG CARPET. I WILL THINK OF IT LIKE HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS. LIKE,
LOOK AT THAT GIANT TAFFY COOKIE THAT THEY EAT CHUNKS OF FROSTING FROM.
I WILL TAME AN ANT AND I WILL RIDE IT WITH GRACE AND I WILL MAKE ANOTHER

SHRUNKEN GIRL FALL IN LOVE WITH ME JUST BY MY SUPERIORITY AT ANT FARMING.
IF WE DON'T MAKE IT OUT OF THIS BY WAY OF END OF MOVIE GRACE, WILL YOU PLEASE MEET ME BY THE BASE OF THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER? THERE WE SHALL
MAKE OUR LIFE. WE CAN START TRADING THINGS OR MAYBE WE CAN START A MARKET.

MIKE: I AM NOT THAT DEPRESSED EITHER

THIS IS SUNG IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

SEE WATER

JUST BACKWARDS
NUMBERS AND SILENCE
STACKED IN A BUZZING
NEST OF ELECTRICITY.
EMPTY NOISE
AND BEGGING FOR ATTENTION.
ONE FLICK OF
THE WRIST AND
THINGS BECOME SECURE
AMONGST A HOARD
OF LIARS AND THIEVES.
ONE LIGHT ON.
ONE SWITCH PRESSED.
ONE SET OF SHOES SHINED
AND BUFFED.
ANOTHER PAYCHECK
SPENT ON
MIRRORS AND
DREAMS.

I PEER THROUGH GLORY HOLES AND I'M IN AWE

I PEER THROUGH GLORY HOLES AND I'M IN AWE
OF WOMEN HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH BIRDS
OH DEAR THE HANGING CHADS OF CHICKEN CLAWS
START HOMING IN ON FANCY MAMMOTH TURDS

MY GPS CONTROLS A FLOCK OF DUCKS
WHILE EATING DIRTY CHILDREN OUT OF GLASS
BALLS HANGING FROM THE BACKS OF PICKUP TRUCKS
MAKE CUCKOLDS OF THE UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS

MY KNUCKLES KEEP MY BONES FROM SHOOTING OUT
ALTHOUGH THE SKIN IS VELVETEEN AT BEST
AT NIGHT I DREAM I FUCK SOME RAINBOW TROUT
WITH CHICORY AND CURRIED LEMON ZEST

I REALLY HOPE THE DEVIL MAKES A BRA
TO SUPPORT MY MINCE-MEAT-LIKE PHYSIQUE
WE USED YOUR MOM TO MAKE THE BEST FOIE GRAS
WE LAYED HER OUT ON LEPERS SMOKING TEAK

THE WAY OUR PLACID MEATBALLS FALL FROM GRACE
DENOTES THE PRINT OUR BALLS LEAVE IN THE SNOW
HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS FAGGY PLACE
WITHOUT THE POPE OF FINGERBANG IN TOW?

FUCK YOU I'LL EAT MY CHICKEN CORDON BLEU
'CAUSE OBAMA SAID I OUGHTN'T TO


BY JESS ROWAN AND BRYAN COFFELT

ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE

THE BEST KIND
OF DRUNK
IS WHEN YOU
CHUG A BOTTLE
OF WINE TO
YOUR FACE IN A MATTER
OF TWENTY MINUTES
AND PUT ON
AN ALBUM THAT
YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO
FOR WEEKS.
PUT YOUR FEET UP.
LAY BACK.
LET YOUR BODY
SOAK UP THE BOOZE
AND FEEL NUMB.
I CAME HOME
AND DID EXACTLY
THAT.
I COULDN'T FEEL
ANY PART OF MY BODY
AT ALL.
A SLOW SMILE SPREAD
ACROSS MY FACE.
I FELT LIKE A DANDELION
BEING BLOWN APART
ACROSS SHARP
BLADES
OF GRASS.