Sunday, February 24, 2008

FRIENDS

I FINISHED THE BEER. I OPENED ANOTHER. I'M GOING TO SLEEP SOON BUT THAT'S OKAY. I CAN DRINK ONLY A LITTLE OF THE BEER AND SAVE THE REST FOR LATER. I WON'T WALK DOWNSTAIRS WITH THE UNFINISHED BEER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE OR SOMETHING. I WILL DRINK IT UNTIL I DECIDE I WANT TO FALL ASLEEP. THAT IS OKAY; THAT SET OF ACTIONS. THE BEER WILL SIT ON MY NIGHTSTAND UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT AT AROUND 8 PM. THEN I WILL PICK IT UP AND DRINK FROM IT AGAIN. I NEVER FELT WORRIED ABOUT DRINKING DAY OLD, ALREADY-OPENED CANS OF BEER. DAY OLD, ALREADY-OPENED CANS OF BEER KEEP THEIR CARBONATION. THEY DON'T GO FLAT. I'M SERIOUS. DON'T FUCK WITH MY VERSION OF REALITY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. FUCKING WITH MY VERSION OF REALITY IS LIKE TRYING TO FUCK WITH THE PLOT OF AN OLD FRIENDS EPISODE THAT YOU'RE WATCHING ON TV. ALL YOU CAN DO IS IMPOSE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE BROADCAST OF MY THOUGHTS. THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN MY THOUGHTS WILL CHANGE. I'M DONE TYPING NOW. THE BEER IS GOOD. I FELT LIKE THIS WAS 'COMPLETED' AND TYPED 'I'M DONE TYPING NOW.' THIS IS MY DEGENERATION. THIS IS MY REMOVAL FROM ALL THINGS THAT WERE FORMERLY MYSELF. THIS IS MY CONDEMNATION OF EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN, AND MY REBIRTH INTO SOMETHING AS NEW AS A CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY TO AN IDIOT KINDERGARTNER. I WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED OF WHAT I WRITE AGAIN. I WILL BE ASHAMED OF THIS WHEN I WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING, SOBER. AT 9 PM TOMORROW NIGHT I WILL READ THIS AND FEEL AMUSED. LISTEN. WE ALL HAVE OUR PATHS. THOSE PATHS WILL END WHEN WE DIE. KNOW THAT MY TONE IS AGGRESSIVE. KNOW THAT I VALUE THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL EMOTION. KNOW THAT I VALUE CONCEPTS AND PHYSICAL THINGS WHICH I HAVE, THROUGH 24 YEARS OF PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE, ASSOCIATED WITH PLEASURABLE EMOTION. MY ACTIONS ARE MOST LIKELY DICTATED BY CONDITIONED ASSOCIATIONS REPRESENTED BY NEURONS IN MY SKULL, CREATED OVER 24 YEARS. AND, PROBABLY, SO ARE YOURS. I WON'T END THIS ON THAT OR THIS SENTENCE. THE TRUTH IS, I JUST READ OVER WHAT I WROTE, AND I FEEL OKAY, BUT NOT 'AMAZED.' 'FINDING MYSELF' WILL NEVER HAPPEN. UNDERSTANDING 'WHO I AM' WILL NOT HAPPEN EVER. I WILL CONTINUE TO EXPERIENCE THINGS, YOU WILL CONTINUE TO EXPERIENCE THINGS, WE WILL FORM OUR OWN OPINIONS, WE WILL EXERT PRESSURE ON ONE ANOTHER, AND THEN THE WORLD WILL END. AND BY THAT I MEAN, WE WILL DIE.

2 comments:

victoria said...

because of my experience
and neurons
this made me feel pleasurable emotion
i am hoping that telling you this will bring me more

brandon said...

i am glad victoria