AT THIS POINT
I AM OBSESSED WITH MYSELF
LIKE I AM TWELVE
BUT I WASN'T OBSESSED WITH MYSELF
I HATED MY TWELVE ME AT TWELVE
WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS DRUNK POEM WRITING ANYWAY
I'M GOING TO GO MICROWAVE SOME PIZZA
MOST NIGHTS I FEEL LIKE A MESS
THAT IS NOT AN INTERESTING SIMILE
I AM A HORRIBLE POET
I ACTUALLY APPLIED TO A COUPLE GRAD SCHOOLS
IF YOU ARE A GRAD SCHOOL, DON'T ACCEPT ME
LOOK AT HOW HORRIBLE THAT SIMILE WAS
IT WAS LIKE TOTALLY A BUNCH OF SHIT
I AM DISCOURAGED, ALL YOU WORLD OUT THERE
I AM DISCOURAGED
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE
MY HEAD KEEPS MOVING AROUND ITSELF
THERE IS NO FOCUS ANYMORE
IT IS LIKE A STARCHART WITHOUT THE STARS
I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD SIMILE
MAYBE I AM WORTH SOMETHING AFTER ALL
IT WASN'T A GREAT SIMILE, BUT WHATEVER
AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME CREDIT
I AM TRYING
OK, BUT I WANT REALLY WANT TO SAY IS
I'M GOING TO SKIP THE LINE THAT COMES AFTER THAT LAST LINE
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT
I THINK MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED HANGING THEMSELVES
REALLY BELIEVED THE NOOSE WOULD BREAK FIRST
I DON'T LIKE POEMS ANYMORE
I DON'T LIKE WRITING ANYMORE
THE REST OF THIS POEM WILL NOT BE A POEM
OH MY GOD
I SAID THAT
OH MY GOD
AND I SAID IT AGAIN
I WILL NOT TRY ANYMORE
THERE IS TOO MUCH SNOW OUTSIDE
I AM DEPRESSED
I FEEL I HAVE TRIED TOO HARD
I SHOULD GO TO SLEEP AND FORGET HOW I FEEL
IF I REMEMBER WRITING THIS TOMORROW
I WILL THINK, "I SHOULD READ THE DRUNK POEM
I WROTE LAST NIGHT"
I WILL PROBABLY FEEL EMBARRASSED ABOUT THIS POEM
AND MAYBE DELETE IT
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'LL FEEL EMBARRASSED
PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON THIS BLOG OR MY BLOG
WHO AREN'T MY FRIENDS
MEAN NOTHING TO ME
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
THE DRUNK SONNETS
ORDER THE DRUNK SONNETS IN BOOK FORM HERE
DRUNK SONNET 1
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY BUT DRUNK
I WANT FORGIVENESS IN A BEEHIVE
LIKE A DOG WITH THE BENDS IN THE ARCTIC
AND COVERED IN ICE FURS
MY FIRST PRAYER TO GOD WENT
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M DOING THIS RIGHT
MY LAST PRAYER TO GOD WENT
I KNOW FOR A FACT I'M NOT DOING THIS RIGHT
I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT AND AT DAY I DONT' WANT AWAKE
AND A BODY THAT RUSTS INTO HARD AND AND UNBELIEVABLE
I WILL BE NOT ALIVE FOREVER EXCEPT FOR THE DRY BED
MY HANDS ARE TOO SMALL TO CARRY WHATEVER THIS IS
ACTUALLY, A HABIT OF DOLPHINS THAT LIVE IN CAPTIVITY
TO EAT FISH OUT OF BUCKETS AND SLEEP IN THE SALT AND THE WATER
DRUNK SONNET 8
I WANT TO LOVE BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
HOW IS THAT I CAN YOU CAN EVEN EXIST NOW
I JUST FELT THE ALCOHOL IN MY FEET
MY HEART HAS A LOT INSIDE IT I THINK, EVEN STILL
IF EVERYONE IS OK THEN WHY I AM I NOT
IT'S OK TO CRY A LITTLE, I THINK, JUST CRY
I THINK I WANT TO EAT YOUR SMILE TONIGHT
I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING IN IT TO KEEP ME ALIVE
I'M LOOKING AT THIS SLEEPING CAT RIGHT NOW
AND HE JUST SHIFTED A LITTLE AND IT WAS NICE
AND THE OCEAN'S FLOOR IS SO FAR AWAY
SINKING TOGETHER WOULD BE A COMMITMENT
AND RISING TOGETHER AN EVEN BIGGER ONE
BUT I THINK THAT ALL THAT WATER IS TOO MUCH
DRUNK SONNET 10
THE AIRPORT IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
THE GROCERY STORE IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
PETSMART IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
THE THAI PLACE IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
MY OWN BED IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
INSIDE MY CAR IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
ALL THESE STREETS, THIS CITY, THIS STATE
THIS COUNTRY IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN FRONT OF THIS TV IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN THIS BODY IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN THIS AIR IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
I'M THINKING ABOUT EVOLUTION AND THE WAY WE CHANGE
AND HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE I HAVE A TAIL AGAIN
AND I CAN FORGET ALL THAT'S HAPPENED
DRUNK SONNET 14
IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON EVER THEN HEY
I AM HERE IT WOULD BE NICE TO TALK SOMETIME
INFOMERCIALS HAVE STARTED AND I KIND OF WANT TO DIE
I'M PRETTY SURE THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY FOR A MORGUE
OK SO ACTUALLY ITS FOR THE BIBLE OR SOMETHING
SO ITS A COMMERCIAL FOR TRYING TO BE HAPPY OR SOMETHING
BUT I AM NOT HAPPY TONIGHT NO I AM NOT JUST HERE
IF HAPPINESS EVER WORKED THEN HOW - I DON'T KNOW
HAPPINESS IS A LIZARD IN THE SUNLIGHT GETTING WARM
AND THEN IN THE NIGHT BENEATH A ROCK EATING FLIES
AND THE FLIES TASTE LIKE COLD HOT PUS
AH, SO TONIGHT IS A LITTLE DRUNK AND OK OK OK
THAT IS GOOD SO LET ME BE - THERE IS NO LOVE TONIGHT
GOD IS LIKE BONO - SOME DICKWAD NO ONE WILL EVER MEET OR LIKE
DRUNK SONNET 17
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU, NO
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU AT ALL
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU
STILL, I AM NOT AT ALL THINKING ABOUT YOU
NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU, NO I'M NOT
WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT? NOT YOU
IF I AM THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING, IT'S NOT YOU
YOU ARE NOT A THING I'M THINKING ABOUT
WHAT SHOULD I THINK ABOUT? NOT YOU
WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY THINK ABOUT?
WHAT IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT BUT YOU?
THERE'S PLENTY TO THINK ABOUT IN THIS WORLD
WHAT IN MY LIFE AM I THINKING ABOUT?
I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU, THANK GOD
DRUNK SONNET 18
I’M GOING TO DRINK ALL THE BEER
IN MY APARTMENT TONIGHT
IT’S A LOT AND IT’S GOING TO HURT
AND I ASSURE YOU TOMORROW WILL BE HARD
IF YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW SAY, YES
EVERY DAY WE ARE NICE THINGS
WRAPPED IN A BLANKET ON A COUCH
TRYING TO BE WARM AND EVEN WARMER
THE HEAT IS TURNED UP TO 80
I AM WEARING SWEAT PANTS, A SWEATER
I AM IN A BLANKET, INDOORS
OUTSIDE, BIRDS ARE SWARMING TO THE SOUTH
THEY ARE LEAVING TOGETHER, BEAUTIFULLY
TOMORROW THEY WILL MAYBE BE IN KENTUCKY
DRUNK SONNET 21
THIS BEER IS GOOD
THIS APARTMENT IS GOOD
NOT HAVING TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW
THAT IS GOOD TOO
WORK IS SOMETIMES GOOD
GOING HOME NEXT MONTH IS GOOD
THE STREET I LIVE ON IS GOOD
THE ROOF ABOVE ME IS GOOD
THE DVD I WAS WATCHING IS GOOD
THE MUSIC I’M LISTENING TO IS GOOD
THIS SWEATER IS GOOD AND KEEPS ME WARM
LIFE CAN BE GOOD IF WE WORK AT IT
WE ARE ALL GOOD IF WE TRY
AND TRYING IS A VERY GOOD THING
DRUNK SONNET 27
IN THE FUTURE I DIED AND IT WAS FUN
IT WAS LIKE A ROCKING CHAIR WITH AN OLD LADY
GETTING ANGRY AT MIDNIGHT TRAINS IN JULY
IT WAS AWESOME AND IT REALLY SUCKED
WHEN YOU SEE YOUR BODY QUIT ITSELF
IT’S LIKE WATCHING A CAR WRECK IN THE RURAL SOUTH
FROM AN EXTREME DISTANCE IN 1923
AND ALL THE WORLD’S TOMMY GUNS ARE IN MOURNING
I COULD LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW
THAT’S THE WAY IT IS WHEN YOU DIE, I THINK
I COULD LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER
IT JUST ALL COMES OUT AND IT’S THERE
MY BELIEF IN YOU OR DISBELIEF IN YOU
IT DOESN’T MATTER EITHER WAY
DRUNK SONNET 45
THE MOON IS LIKE A BAYONET IN THE CHEST SOMETIMES
I SAY THAT BECAUSE TONIGHT IS BLOOD
I JUST WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN
THE CARPET LOOKS LIKE GRAVEL
I NEED TO KEEP MY HEAD UP TONIGHT
YOUR WONDERFUL LIGHT ABOVE
THE STREET IS HARD AND COLD AND ALL
IT HAS EVERYTHING FOR MY CAR
THE SIDEWALK HAS ENOUGH FOR MY SHOES
THE MOON ENOUGH FOR THE LEAVES OUTSIDE
TO BE NOTICED AND TO SHINE LIKE THEY DO
I COULD PRACTICALLY RIP MYSELF APART
AND WHAT WOULD I EVEN FIND BUT YOUR LOVE
THAT I’VE SAVED UP LIKE CRUMBS
DRUNK SONNET 53
I HOPE ALL THE LOVE I’VE EVER FELT GETS RUPTURED
LIKE A COMET BREAKING THE ATMOSPHERE TONIGHT
I HOPE A LITTLE BOY IN RUSSIA IS AFRAID OF WHAT IS HAPPENING
I HOPE WE CAN LEARN TO CARE AGAIN, THAT IS ALL
I THINK ABOUT IT NOW AND HOW IT NEVER MADE SENSE
HOW WE ARE TINY BANQUETS FOR A RETIRED JANITOR
ATTENDED ONLY BY THE RATS AND THE MOPS
THAT HE ATTENDED TO IN HIS AMAZING CAREER
HE KEPT THREE STORIES CLEANER THAN I CAN KEEP MY OWN HEART
GODDAMMIT, HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK
AND THE LITTLE BOY IN RUSSIA IS JUST CRYING IN BED
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL IN IOWA, THE NIGHT AFTER HER BIRTHDAY
I FEEL LIKE A SMALL TRIBE OF HALLELUJAHS
GETTING SENT UP TONIGHT, STUCK IN THE RAFTERS, ECHOING
DRUNK SONNET 1
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY BUT DRUNK
I WANT FORGIVENESS IN A BEEHIVE
LIKE A DOG WITH THE BENDS IN THE ARCTIC
AND COVERED IN ICE FURS
MY FIRST PRAYER TO GOD WENT
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M DOING THIS RIGHT
MY LAST PRAYER TO GOD WENT
I KNOW FOR A FACT I'M NOT DOING THIS RIGHT
I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT AND AT DAY I DONT' WANT AWAKE
AND A BODY THAT RUSTS INTO HARD AND AND UNBELIEVABLE
I WILL BE NOT ALIVE FOREVER EXCEPT FOR THE DRY BED
MY HANDS ARE TOO SMALL TO CARRY WHATEVER THIS IS
ACTUALLY, A HABIT OF DOLPHINS THAT LIVE IN CAPTIVITY
TO EAT FISH OUT OF BUCKETS AND SLEEP IN THE SALT AND THE WATER
DRUNK SONNET 8
I WANT TO LOVE BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
HOW IS THAT I CAN YOU CAN EVEN EXIST NOW
I JUST FELT THE ALCOHOL IN MY FEET
MY HEART HAS A LOT INSIDE IT I THINK, EVEN STILL
IF EVERYONE IS OK THEN WHY I AM I NOT
IT'S OK TO CRY A LITTLE, I THINK, JUST CRY
I THINK I WANT TO EAT YOUR SMILE TONIGHT
I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING IN IT TO KEEP ME ALIVE
I'M LOOKING AT THIS SLEEPING CAT RIGHT NOW
AND HE JUST SHIFTED A LITTLE AND IT WAS NICE
AND THE OCEAN'S FLOOR IS SO FAR AWAY
SINKING TOGETHER WOULD BE A COMMITMENT
AND RISING TOGETHER AN EVEN BIGGER ONE
BUT I THINK THAT ALL THAT WATER IS TOO MUCH
DRUNK SONNET 10
THE AIRPORT IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
THE GROCERY STORE IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
PETSMART IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
THE THAI PLACE IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
MY OWN BED IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
INSIDE MY CAR IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
ALL THESE STREETS, THIS CITY, THIS STATE
THIS COUNTRY IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN FRONT OF THIS TV IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN THIS BODY IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
IN THIS AIR IS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO EXIST
I'M THINKING ABOUT EVOLUTION AND THE WAY WE CHANGE
AND HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE I HAVE A TAIL AGAIN
AND I CAN FORGET ALL THAT'S HAPPENED
DRUNK SONNET 14
IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON EVER THEN HEY
I AM HERE IT WOULD BE NICE TO TALK SOMETIME
INFOMERCIALS HAVE STARTED AND I KIND OF WANT TO DIE
I'M PRETTY SURE THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY FOR A MORGUE
OK SO ACTUALLY ITS FOR THE BIBLE OR SOMETHING
SO ITS A COMMERCIAL FOR TRYING TO BE HAPPY OR SOMETHING
BUT I AM NOT HAPPY TONIGHT NO I AM NOT JUST HERE
IF HAPPINESS EVER WORKED THEN HOW - I DON'T KNOW
HAPPINESS IS A LIZARD IN THE SUNLIGHT GETTING WARM
AND THEN IN THE NIGHT BENEATH A ROCK EATING FLIES
AND THE FLIES TASTE LIKE COLD HOT PUS
AH, SO TONIGHT IS A LITTLE DRUNK AND OK OK OK
THAT IS GOOD SO LET ME BE - THERE IS NO LOVE TONIGHT
GOD IS LIKE BONO - SOME DICKWAD NO ONE WILL EVER MEET OR LIKE
DRUNK SONNET 17
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU, NO
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU AT ALL
I AM NOT STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU
STILL, I AM NOT AT ALL THINKING ABOUT YOU
NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU, NO I'M NOT
WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT? NOT YOU
IF I AM THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING, IT'S NOT YOU
YOU ARE NOT A THING I'M THINKING ABOUT
WHAT SHOULD I THINK ABOUT? NOT YOU
WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY THINK ABOUT?
WHAT IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT BUT YOU?
THERE'S PLENTY TO THINK ABOUT IN THIS WORLD
WHAT IN MY LIFE AM I THINKING ABOUT?
I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU, THANK GOD
DRUNK SONNET 18
I’M GOING TO DRINK ALL THE BEER
IN MY APARTMENT TONIGHT
IT’S A LOT AND IT’S GOING TO HURT
AND I ASSURE YOU TOMORROW WILL BE HARD
IF YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW SAY, YES
EVERY DAY WE ARE NICE THINGS
WRAPPED IN A BLANKET ON A COUCH
TRYING TO BE WARM AND EVEN WARMER
THE HEAT IS TURNED UP TO 80
I AM WEARING SWEAT PANTS, A SWEATER
I AM IN A BLANKET, INDOORS
OUTSIDE, BIRDS ARE SWARMING TO THE SOUTH
THEY ARE LEAVING TOGETHER, BEAUTIFULLY
TOMORROW THEY WILL MAYBE BE IN KENTUCKY
DRUNK SONNET 21
THIS BEER IS GOOD
THIS APARTMENT IS GOOD
NOT HAVING TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW
THAT IS GOOD TOO
WORK IS SOMETIMES GOOD
GOING HOME NEXT MONTH IS GOOD
THE STREET I LIVE ON IS GOOD
THE ROOF ABOVE ME IS GOOD
THE DVD I WAS WATCHING IS GOOD
THE MUSIC I’M LISTENING TO IS GOOD
THIS SWEATER IS GOOD AND KEEPS ME WARM
LIFE CAN BE GOOD IF WE WORK AT IT
WE ARE ALL GOOD IF WE TRY
AND TRYING IS A VERY GOOD THING
DRUNK SONNET 27
IN THE FUTURE I DIED AND IT WAS FUN
IT WAS LIKE A ROCKING CHAIR WITH AN OLD LADY
GETTING ANGRY AT MIDNIGHT TRAINS IN JULY
IT WAS AWESOME AND IT REALLY SUCKED
WHEN YOU SEE YOUR BODY QUIT ITSELF
IT’S LIKE WATCHING A CAR WRECK IN THE RURAL SOUTH
FROM AN EXTREME DISTANCE IN 1923
AND ALL THE WORLD’S TOMMY GUNS ARE IN MOURNING
I COULD LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW
THAT’S THE WAY IT IS WHEN YOU DIE, I THINK
I COULD LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER
IT JUST ALL COMES OUT AND IT’S THERE
MY BELIEF IN YOU OR DISBELIEF IN YOU
IT DOESN’T MATTER EITHER WAY
DRUNK SONNET 45
THE MOON IS LIKE A BAYONET IN THE CHEST SOMETIMES
I SAY THAT BECAUSE TONIGHT IS BLOOD
I JUST WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN
THE CARPET LOOKS LIKE GRAVEL
I NEED TO KEEP MY HEAD UP TONIGHT
YOUR WONDERFUL LIGHT ABOVE
THE STREET IS HARD AND COLD AND ALL
IT HAS EVERYTHING FOR MY CAR
THE SIDEWALK HAS ENOUGH FOR MY SHOES
THE MOON ENOUGH FOR THE LEAVES OUTSIDE
TO BE NOTICED AND TO SHINE LIKE THEY DO
I COULD PRACTICALLY RIP MYSELF APART
AND WHAT WOULD I EVEN FIND BUT YOUR LOVE
THAT I’VE SAVED UP LIKE CRUMBS
DRUNK SONNET 53
I HOPE ALL THE LOVE I’VE EVER FELT GETS RUPTURED
LIKE A COMET BREAKING THE ATMOSPHERE TONIGHT
I HOPE A LITTLE BOY IN RUSSIA IS AFRAID OF WHAT IS HAPPENING
I HOPE WE CAN LEARN TO CARE AGAIN, THAT IS ALL
I THINK ABOUT IT NOW AND HOW IT NEVER MADE SENSE
HOW WE ARE TINY BANQUETS FOR A RETIRED JANITOR
ATTENDED ONLY BY THE RATS AND THE MOPS
THAT HE ATTENDED TO IN HIS AMAZING CAREER
HE KEPT THREE STORIES CLEANER THAN I CAN KEEP MY OWN HEART
GODDAMMIT, HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK
AND THE LITTLE BOY IN RUSSIA IS JUST CRYING IN BED
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL IN IOWA, THE NIGHT AFTER HER BIRTHDAY
I FEEL LIKE A SMALL TRIBE OF HALLELUJAHS
GETTING SENT UP TONIGHT, STUCK IN THE RAFTERS, ECHOING
Sunday, January 11, 2009
ARCHDUKE FERDINAND POLLY POCKET WU TANG VIBRATE
1.
"I HAVE A REALLY SHORT DRESS ON AND I HOPE THAT SOMEONE FUCKS ME AND THEN NAMES AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER AFTER ME. I AM A POLLY POCKET -- EXCEPT THAT I'M SO MUCH BIGGER AND FUCKABLE."
2.
I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND AND REMEMBER THINGS IN A CIRCLE AND TRY TO MAKE THEM AN "ALBUM" THAT I CAN "TAG" WITH MY BRAIN. YOU, I WILL TAG UNDER "HAPLESS."
3.
IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG LONG LONG TIME BEFORE WE ALL FALL INTO THE SUN AND OUR ATOMS VIBRATE OFF OUR BONES AND THEN COMPLETELY AWAY INTO OPPOSITE CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE, BUT I CAN ALREADY FEEL A FEW MIGRATING. I WANT MY ATOMS TO END UP NEXT TO THE ATOMS THAT OCCUPIED THE BODY OF SOMEONE I KNEW. I HOPE IT'S NOT PRESUMPTUOUS TO CONSIDER THEM "MY ATOMS."
4.
I AM ROD BLAGOJEVICH, I TOTALLY LOVE DANCING, POLLY POCKETS, AND HOLY WATER MARTINIS. FRIEND ME.
5.
TONIGHT, THE MOON IS A JESS ROWAN LOVES ALEX BURFORD MOON. YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY CALL IT, "UNFORGETTABLE." OR MISSPELL IT. WITH AN I, INSTEAD. TELL JENNIFER "HI" FOR ME. TELL HER "SORRY FOR GETTING HER A DRINK WHEN SHE WAS CLEARLY ALREADY INTOXICATED AS SHIT." IT'S JUST THAT THE PATTERNS ON MY QUILT ARE STARTING TO SEEP INTO MY BRAIN. IT'S THAT MY BRAIN IS STARTING TO MELT INTO MY QUILT. IT'S A LOT OF THINGS ALL AT ONCE.
5A.
IT'S THE WU TANG CLAN DREDGING THE PITT RIVER. IT'S THE NAOMI WATTS OF MY THIGH -- CLARIFICATION, THE NAOMI WATTS OF MY PITT RIVER. IT'S MAYBE SOMETHING.
5B.
IT'S THE FIRST THING I EVER CAN REMEMBER -- ME, PRETTY MUCH NAKED, SITTING IN A POOL OR SOMETHING. BUT I CAN'T TELL IF I REMEMBER IT OR IF IT'S A HOME MOVIE. THERE IS A HOME MOVIE OF ME, ON MY BACK, HOLDING A BOTTLE WITH MY FEET. I'M PRETTY SURE IT EXISTS SOMEWHERE.
6.
BECAUSE OF ALL THESE THINGS (ALL OF THESE THINGS) I WANT TO INHERIT ALL THE MOON'S MINERALS, STUFF THEM IN MY VEINS, AND CALL MYSELF "IMPERVIOUS." I WILL GET MY VITAMINS FROM BRITNEY SPEARS' "WOMANIZER." I AM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SHIT ASS AND I WANT TO HAVE VITAMIN BRITNEY IN MY BLOOD SO I CAN FEEL STRONG AND LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY ON THE VERGE OF WARRING WITH AUSTRIA -- ARCHDUKE FERDINAND IS MY POLLY POCKET AND ALL THAT.
7.
YOU -- SHOULD -- KEEP -- IT -- REAL. WITH MAYBE AN EQUALS SIGN TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I WANT TO DO IT. I WANT TO STUFF IT IN YOUR POCKET WITH MY EMOTIONS. I WANTED TO SAY "FACIAL EXPRESSIONS" BUT I FEEL LIKE TAO LIN HAS A COPYRIGHT ON "FACIAL EXPRESSIONS." YOU SHOULD KEEP THIS JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE. MAYBE NOT TOO LONG. DON'T KEEP IT TOO LONG. I WILL WANT THESE ALL BACK. EVERYTHING. ALL OF THIS.
7A.
THIS: A NARCOLEPTIC PONDERER -- A CARPET FONDLER. NINE OUT OF TEN CHOSE. AN UPWARD ARROW, A DOWNWARD ARROW, A SIDEWAYS ARROW, A SIDEWAYS ARROW. IT "IGNITES" THE TIME OUT. IT "RULES AND DOMINATES" YOUR SATURDAY. IT BLEEDS YOU DRY, YOU SELFISH SHIT. IT HARD-ONS FOR YOUR MAYBE-SO.
8.
IN TWO PIECES -- FOLDED "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY, I'M STILL DEPRESSED, I SEE EVERYTHING, I AM THE WU TANG CLAN POLLY POCKET." TWO PIECES -- DIRE POLLY POCKET. MY PORES WILL SEETHE. DRESS SEXY TO MY "NEXT MONDAY." DRESS SEXY TO MY "CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE." WHEN THEY COME TO GET MY ATOMS, DRESS SEXY. I WILL NOT AFFECT MY VOICE FOR THIS.
9.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS. THEY WERE KIND OF SEXY LIKE POLLY POCKET. I USED TO CARRY THEM AROUND. I WOULD HAVE THE GOOD OLD DAYS IN ONE POCKET AND BUBBLE TAPE IN ANOTHER POCKET. OR FRUIT BY THE FOOT OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE IF ANY OF THIS MATTERS AT ALL. IT'S JUST THE TOP OF A BUILDING, AND ALL THAT. IT'S JUST LIKE, MY BRAIN, SQUEAKING OUT A BUNCH OF FINGER FUCKING.
9A.
IT'S NOT EASY TO DO. IT'S NOT EASY TO DO. IT'S NOT EASY TO DO IT. IT'S NOT SO EASY TO DO IT.
10.
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY POLLY POCKET? OKAY, I WILL PLAY WITH YOU WITH MY MIGHTY MAX. IT'S REALLY MIGHTY. IT WILL BE SPECTACULAR, LIKE THE EXISTENCE OF A BROWSER WINDOW, MAGICALLY. DON'T GET BORED. I SWEAR.
11.
THAT'S NOT HOW YOU -- DO -- IT. I KNOW, THIS IS "FORMLESS." MY NAME IS HAROLD, I AM AN IMPOSTOR. I'M A QUART OF MONOLITH. I AM A PINT OF POTTER'S VODKA AND I'M SUCKING MY WAY THROUGH YOUR PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL A LITTLE LIKE SOME EGG WHITES. YOU ARE GOT FINDING AND GOT AND FINDING AND GOT AND WHAT'S THAT. I WILL SHARE THE CLOUT. I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE CLOUT AND THEN SHARE IT.
12.
I WILL SHARE YOUR STOMPING POLLY POCKET IN AN ALCOVE, PROBABLY. CAN I "WOOF" AT YOUR HOOD? YOU AILERON? YOU IMPINGED DONGLE OF SERIOUS BEAUTY?
13.
ME AND ROD BLAGOJEVICH AND POLLY POCKET AND THE WU TANG CLAN LOVE DABBING YOUR WET BUTTHOLE WITH A PINOCHLE DECK. LOLLERCOPTER. I WILL FINANCE YOU. UH! I AM SERIOUSLY YOUR "WET-HANDED LOVER." I AM SERIOUSLY YOUR "MOOGERFOOGER." I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING MEAN I WILL GIVE YOU A SAD FACE WITH MY LIPS THAT I OWN ON MY FACE THAT IS KIND OF REAL UNTIL THE SUN TAKES IT.
14.
I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND -- IT'S NOT EASY TO DO -- EQUALLING OUT THE DAY-TO-DAY HEIDEGGER POLLY POCKET RALLIES. THE TYPE OF NUMBERS THAT TURN YOUR BONES TO GLASGOW. IT'S ALL YOU ALL JUST SPILLING ALL DEAD AND SPILLING (YOU, INTO HER, INTO THEM). IT'S YOU ALL -- DEAD -- SPILLING INTO EACH OTHER. IT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT CHILLS ME AND I PAUSE IN THE MOON SLASH SUN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHOSE ATOMS ARE WHOSE.
15.
THE ARROWS, AGAIN. THE GENTLE PULL, UNLESS YOU ARE LIGHT -- YOU CAN GNASH YOUR TEETH ALL YOU WANT. FIND A HOLE -- THAT'S WHAT SARTRE SAYS -- FIND ONE THAT FITS YOUR BODY. GO LOOK AT A BUILDING FOR SOME YOU-SIZED CRACKS OR SOMETHING. OR LOSE WEIGHT AND BECOME KEY-SIZED. FEVER. THAT GENTLE PULL. TOP OF THE HEAD, DOWN. WIGGLE-FREE IDENTITY SMASH--
16.
OH SHIT OH SHIT. HOW WILL I NEVER BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC AGAIN. HOW WILL I NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP NEXT TO. HOW WILL I NEVER EVER EVER. "HOW WILL I NEVER UM SIGNAL THAT WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO POLITELY COME AFTER." BUT I CAN JUST HOLD THINGS LIKE A SECOND OR TWO AND IT FEELS LIKE A CONCRETE HOLDING OF THINGS. I AM GOING TO START GRABBING THINGS MORE OFTEN AND CONSIDERING MY PROXIMITY TO THEM AND HOPING THAT OUR ATOMS MIX OR ARE INTRODUCED AS "YOU KNOW SO AND SO FROM SAFEWAY." OKAY.
"I HAVE A REALLY SHORT DRESS ON AND I HOPE THAT SOMEONE FUCKS ME AND THEN NAMES AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER AFTER ME. I AM A POLLY POCKET -- EXCEPT THAT I'M SO MUCH BIGGER AND FUCKABLE."
2.
I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND AND REMEMBER THINGS IN A CIRCLE AND TRY TO MAKE THEM AN "ALBUM" THAT I CAN "TAG" WITH MY BRAIN. YOU, I WILL TAG UNDER "HAPLESS."
3.
IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG LONG LONG TIME BEFORE WE ALL FALL INTO THE SUN AND OUR ATOMS VIBRATE OFF OUR BONES AND THEN COMPLETELY AWAY INTO OPPOSITE CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE, BUT I CAN ALREADY FEEL A FEW MIGRATING. I WANT MY ATOMS TO END UP NEXT TO THE ATOMS THAT OCCUPIED THE BODY OF SOMEONE I KNEW. I HOPE IT'S NOT PRESUMPTUOUS TO CONSIDER THEM "MY ATOMS."
4.
I AM ROD BLAGOJEVICH, I TOTALLY LOVE DANCING, POLLY POCKETS, AND HOLY WATER MARTINIS. FRIEND ME.
5.
TONIGHT, THE MOON IS A JESS ROWAN LOVES ALEX BURFORD MOON. YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY CALL IT, "UNFORGETTABLE." OR MISSPELL IT. WITH AN I, INSTEAD. TELL JENNIFER "HI" FOR ME. TELL HER "SORRY FOR GETTING HER A DRINK WHEN SHE WAS CLEARLY ALREADY INTOXICATED AS SHIT." IT'S JUST THAT THE PATTERNS ON MY QUILT ARE STARTING TO SEEP INTO MY BRAIN. IT'S THAT MY BRAIN IS STARTING TO MELT INTO MY QUILT. IT'S A LOT OF THINGS ALL AT ONCE.
5A.
IT'S THE WU TANG CLAN DREDGING THE PITT RIVER. IT'S THE NAOMI WATTS OF MY THIGH -- CLARIFICATION, THE NAOMI WATTS OF MY PITT RIVER. IT'S MAYBE SOMETHING.
5B.
IT'S THE FIRST THING I EVER CAN REMEMBER -- ME, PRETTY MUCH NAKED, SITTING IN A POOL OR SOMETHING. BUT I CAN'T TELL IF I REMEMBER IT OR IF IT'S A HOME MOVIE. THERE IS A HOME MOVIE OF ME, ON MY BACK, HOLDING A BOTTLE WITH MY FEET. I'M PRETTY SURE IT EXISTS SOMEWHERE.
6.
BECAUSE OF ALL THESE THINGS (ALL OF THESE THINGS) I WANT TO INHERIT ALL THE MOON'S MINERALS, STUFF THEM IN MY VEINS, AND CALL MYSELF "IMPERVIOUS." I WILL GET MY VITAMINS FROM BRITNEY SPEARS' "WOMANIZER." I AM DOING THIS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SHIT ASS AND I WANT TO HAVE VITAMIN BRITNEY IN MY BLOOD SO I CAN FEEL STRONG AND LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY ON THE VERGE OF WARRING WITH AUSTRIA -- ARCHDUKE FERDINAND IS MY POLLY POCKET AND ALL THAT.
7.
YOU -- SHOULD -- KEEP -- IT -- REAL. WITH MAYBE AN EQUALS SIGN TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I WANT TO DO IT. I WANT TO STUFF IT IN YOUR POCKET WITH MY EMOTIONS. I WANTED TO SAY "FACIAL EXPRESSIONS" BUT I FEEL LIKE TAO LIN HAS A COPYRIGHT ON "FACIAL EXPRESSIONS." YOU SHOULD KEEP THIS JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE. MAYBE NOT TOO LONG. DON'T KEEP IT TOO LONG. I WILL WANT THESE ALL BACK. EVERYTHING. ALL OF THIS.
7A.
THIS: A NARCOLEPTIC PONDERER -- A CARPET FONDLER. NINE OUT OF TEN CHOSE. AN UPWARD ARROW, A DOWNWARD ARROW, A SIDEWAYS ARROW, A SIDEWAYS ARROW. IT "IGNITES" THE TIME OUT. IT "RULES AND DOMINATES" YOUR SATURDAY. IT BLEEDS YOU DRY, YOU SELFISH SHIT. IT HARD-ONS FOR YOUR MAYBE-SO.
8.
IN TWO PIECES -- FOLDED "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY, I'M STILL DEPRESSED, I SEE EVERYTHING, I AM THE WU TANG CLAN POLLY POCKET." TWO PIECES -- DIRE POLLY POCKET. MY PORES WILL SEETHE. DRESS SEXY TO MY "NEXT MONDAY." DRESS SEXY TO MY "CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE." WHEN THEY COME TO GET MY ATOMS, DRESS SEXY. I WILL NOT AFFECT MY VOICE FOR THIS.
9.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS. THEY WERE KIND OF SEXY LIKE POLLY POCKET. I USED TO CARRY THEM AROUND. I WOULD HAVE THE GOOD OLD DAYS IN ONE POCKET AND BUBBLE TAPE IN ANOTHER POCKET. OR FRUIT BY THE FOOT OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE IF ANY OF THIS MATTERS AT ALL. IT'S JUST THE TOP OF A BUILDING, AND ALL THAT. IT'S JUST LIKE, MY BRAIN, SQUEAKING OUT A BUNCH OF FINGER FUCKING.
9A.
IT'S NOT EASY TO DO. IT'S NOT EASY TO DO. IT'S NOT EASY TO DO IT. IT'S NOT SO EASY TO DO IT.
10.
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY POLLY POCKET? OKAY, I WILL PLAY WITH YOU WITH MY MIGHTY MAX. IT'S REALLY MIGHTY. IT WILL BE SPECTACULAR, LIKE THE EXISTENCE OF A BROWSER WINDOW, MAGICALLY. DON'T GET BORED. I SWEAR.
11.
THAT'S NOT HOW YOU -- DO -- IT. I KNOW, THIS IS "FORMLESS." MY NAME IS HAROLD, I AM AN IMPOSTOR. I'M A QUART OF MONOLITH. I AM A PINT OF POTTER'S VODKA AND I'M SUCKING MY WAY THROUGH YOUR PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL A LITTLE LIKE SOME EGG WHITES. YOU ARE GOT FINDING AND GOT AND FINDING AND GOT AND WHAT'S THAT. I WILL SHARE THE CLOUT. I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE CLOUT AND THEN SHARE IT.
12.
I WILL SHARE YOUR STOMPING POLLY POCKET IN AN ALCOVE, PROBABLY. CAN I "WOOF" AT YOUR HOOD? YOU AILERON? YOU IMPINGED DONGLE OF SERIOUS BEAUTY?
13.
ME AND ROD BLAGOJEVICH AND POLLY POCKET AND THE WU TANG CLAN LOVE DABBING YOUR WET BUTTHOLE WITH A PINOCHLE DECK. LOLLERCOPTER. I WILL FINANCE YOU. UH! I AM SERIOUSLY YOUR "WET-HANDED LOVER." I AM SERIOUSLY YOUR "MOOGERFOOGER." I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING MEAN I WILL GIVE YOU A SAD FACE WITH MY LIPS THAT I OWN ON MY FACE THAT IS KIND OF REAL UNTIL THE SUN TAKES IT.
14.
I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND -- IT'S NOT EASY TO DO -- EQUALLING OUT THE DAY-TO-DAY HEIDEGGER POLLY POCKET RALLIES. THE TYPE OF NUMBERS THAT TURN YOUR BONES TO GLASGOW. IT'S ALL YOU ALL JUST SPILLING ALL DEAD AND SPILLING (YOU, INTO HER, INTO THEM). IT'S YOU ALL -- DEAD -- SPILLING INTO EACH OTHER. IT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT CHILLS ME AND I PAUSE IN THE MOON SLASH SUN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHOSE ATOMS ARE WHOSE.
15.
THE ARROWS, AGAIN. THE GENTLE PULL, UNLESS YOU ARE LIGHT -- YOU CAN GNASH YOUR TEETH ALL YOU WANT. FIND A HOLE -- THAT'S WHAT SARTRE SAYS -- FIND ONE THAT FITS YOUR BODY. GO LOOK AT A BUILDING FOR SOME YOU-SIZED CRACKS OR SOMETHING. OR LOSE WEIGHT AND BECOME KEY-SIZED. FEVER. THAT GENTLE PULL. TOP OF THE HEAD, DOWN. WIGGLE-FREE IDENTITY SMASH--
16.
OH SHIT OH SHIT. HOW WILL I NEVER BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC AGAIN. HOW WILL I NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP NEXT TO. HOW WILL I NEVER EVER EVER. "HOW WILL I NEVER UM SIGNAL THAT WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO POLITELY COME AFTER." BUT I CAN JUST HOLD THINGS LIKE A SECOND OR TWO AND IT FEELS LIKE A CONCRETE HOLDING OF THINGS. I AM GOING TO START GRABBING THINGS MORE OFTEN AND CONSIDERING MY PROXIMITY TO THEM AND HOPING THAT OUR ATOMS MIX OR ARE INTRODUCED AS "YOU KNOW SO AND SO FROM SAFEWAY." OKAY.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I WANT TO RECLAIM SOME KIND OF NAIVE THEORY ABOUT MY DIRTY, INEVITABLE DEATH
YOU HAVE A MONKEY ON YOUR SHOULDER ONE MINUTE AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU ARE PREGNANT. ONCE, I TRIED TO CONVINCE YOU TO CHUCK YOUR HANGINGS-ON TO THE PHYSICAL WORLD OR MAYBE YOU JUST TOLD ME ABOUT HOW SOME GUY CAME INSIDE OF YOU A LONG TIME AGO. I REMEMBER DRIVING HOME FROM YOUR HOUSE WHEN I WAS 16 -- STONED AS SHIT LISTENING TO BOB MARLEY AND THINKING THAT BOB MARLEY WAS SO DEEP AND ALSO THINKING HE WAS A FUCK BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET PAST YOUR BULLSHIT CUL-DE-SAC THAT WAS LITERALLY A HALF MILE FROM WHERE I WENT CAT FISHING AND ANOTHER HALF MILE FROM WHERE I GOLFED FOR FREE AND THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I COULD IMPREGNATE THE SMOOTH FAIRWAY. RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WHATEVER SHOULD LIVE AT LEAST A HALF MILE AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE AND JUST COMMUNICATE USING GMAIL CHAT AND ANNOUNCE THEIR BREAKFASTS USING TWITTER. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE DO THE MATH TO SEE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH COULD ACTUALLY EVEN BE ONE HALF MILE AWAY FROM ANY OTHER PERSON ON EARTH? I WANT TO TAKE THIS LAST PIECE OF MY TIME TO APOLOGIZE TO MY GOOD FRIENDS FOR SUBJECTING THEM TO MY ANGSTY EXISTENTIAL DIATRIBE THAT I THINK WENT LIKE THIS: WAH WAH SARTRE, SARTRE DIDN'T KNOW LOVE, WAH WAH. I KNOW LOVE AND I KNOW LOVE AND I KNOW LOVE. AND I'M SORRY, DEAR FRIENDS, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A SHIT FUCK DOUCHE WHORE ZEBRA WHO HAS PISSED A LITTLE UNFRIENDLINESS ONTO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP GRASS.
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